Beesotted 1 - 4 ASB

The first game of 2007 and the opponents were the usually up for it Beesotted at Gunnersbury Park, which is probably closer to QPR than ASB's home ground of Old Deer Park in lovely Richmond. What greeted the first few players to turn up were conditions that most probably were more welcome in the Rainforest than in Leafy Gunnersbury. The rain was hitting the ground so hard and fast it was leaving dents in the floor. As players started to make their way to the changing rooms you could already hear murmurs from players about how the pitch might play and certain individuals looking forward to flying through the dirt at high speeds.

The ASB changing room was very chirpy, but got even chirpier when Mungo arrived. The manboy had obviously overcome the horrible syndrome that irritated his bowels over and before Christmas and his arrival prompted jokes which he was mainly the butt of, plus his extended love handles got a few people chatting. Slowly but surely players were arriving to get changed, and I'm sure in old man Gregory was in charge he probably would have fined a few players for lateness or gross misconduct. As players made their way to the pitch you could still see ASB players from a far in the downpour arriving.

Once everyone was accounted for the gaffers announced the starting line up. In goal was TragiLee for his tenth start of the season. Right back was Peewee who you could guarantee would be flying up and down the right hand side like Gary Neville. Centre backs were Woody for his second consecutive start and Tina making his 11th start. the left back slot was filled by Weeman who seems to be making this position his over the last few games. The midfield quartet was Slouch in his usual position of left wing with Tizzy starting on the right wing, no doubt they would look to cause the Beesotted full backs alot of grief. The gruesome twosome of Riz and Stingray occupied centre midfield. You could see the grin on Stingray from a mile off caused by the his nations spanking of ours in the Ashes down in his native land. The two strikers looking to get their tally for 2007 started were Sharkey and the evergreen Dutch hippy we all know as Jools. You could be more than sure that these two would provide alot of energy and a good work rate as the spearheads fro the visitors. The bench had Frange, Naz, Mungo, Juzza and a late arriving Babyface on it.

The game kicked off with the rain still lashing down, but this did not deter ASB one bit from playing their usual quick, slick football. With only five minutes on the clock the first goal went in. Slouch twisted and turned his man on the left only to be hacked down. The ball was put down by the left touchline by Tina looking to swing in a dangerous delivery so the Bees keeper could be tested early. The ball was hit sweetly and was moving very quickly indeed, the trajectory of the ball was smack bang on towards the top right corner of the goal. With ASB players rushing towards the keeper he totally lost his bearings and the ball sailed over his head into the back of the net. Tina went off to do a merry jig to celebrate his 1st goal of the season.

For the next 15 minutes ASB kept the pressure on their hosts with only a few balls for the ASB back four to deal with by head or foot and TragiLee was already looking a bit bored in between the sticks. Then on 23 minutes another goal went in, the combo of Riz and Crikey were all over their opposing players and after good play down the left flank Jools was one on one with the keeper. The seasoned striker got the better of the goalkeeper and added the second goal with no trouble. It was what he deserved after over twenty minutes of harassing the Brentford back four with partner Sharkey. You could see the displeasure on their faces everytime Jools or Sharkey ran down a channel or across the back four.

Near on ten minutes later it was 3-0 to the super hoops. A corner was earned and Peewee trotted for right back to the left corner to whip the ball in. A great near post corner got a flick on towards the front post. Riz managed to scramble the ball out of the mess and it rested 3 yards out in the middle of the 6 yard box. In came Woody who started his slide through the mud from about the 18 yard box and scored his first goal of the season. He was a sight to behold, i can only compare it to a skin coloured bowling bowl flying down a mud alley with the mud flying up in the air like the parting of the red sea, but you have to be there to get the goal and hats off to the Danny Mills look-a-like for getting in on the act.

Half time arrived with the rain still falling but a delighted management waiting on the sidelines for the Hoops. There were multiple changes at the break with Woody having to leave for work, so Frange came on for him and slotted into right back with Peewee moving across to join Tina at CB. Naz replaced Rob in goal who had a good first half apart from clattering his captain after a lack of communication from the keeper, but he left the field with another clean sheet under his belt. Tizzy who terrorised the bees was replaced by Babyface on the right and Mungo came on for a slightly injured Jools.

The second half started as the first finished, but Beesotted seemed a little more determined to get something out of the game. Slouch was enjoying himself on the left with some great runs and the right hand side was doing the same with Babyface. Bees bought on a pacy young right winger to try and get something created, but he found a man on a mission in of him, the man mountain himself from the highlands Weeman!! There was no passing this man who did a good impression of Hadrian's Wall whilst yelling Ye Shall Not Pass. On the hour mark a pre planned corner between Peewee and Tina worked a treat with the latter producing a Sinclair like bicycle kick from 15 yards out, only for it to be cleared off the line. It was not too long after that when a fourth goal went in. Peewee once again delivered a perfect free kick from distance into the box, Tina climbed up for a free header only for the opposition captain to push him in mid air.....Penalty! As Riz picked up the ball for the spot kick you could already hear voices from the touchline betting on how far over the bar it would go. Riz ran up and slotted it into the right hand side netting to make it 4-0 and kept him as top scorer with 10 goals in 9 games (a high percentage being penalties though ;-).

ASB were still creating a few chances and were unlucky not to go 5-0 up when some great work by Babyface gave him a chance to whip in a near post ball where Mungo slid in with a great volley only to be matched by the save from the home teams keeper. Mungo was now starting to get more involved when he was scythed down in the middle of the park, he pushed the offending Bees player who in turned slapped him round the back of the head. A real comedy moment that could lead to a bit more, but it all cooled off with some ASB players probably wishing they could have had the chance to give the manboy with the HUGE thighs a clip round the earhole.

The last 10 minutes was an absolute mess with the rain coming down at a rate of knots. The pitch resembled more of a rugby pitch in the far north of wettest and coldest Scotland than the West of London. These conditions were causing problems all over the pitch especially in the midfield, but that didn't stop Riz or Stingray making tackles and passing the ball at all. It was Brentford who got a goal back with the time ticking away. A ball was played to Juzza who had just come on upfront and instead of holding the ball he tried to play it to an oncoming Mungo who misread the pass, it went straight to a Brentford midfielder who played a through ball down the left channel. Naz came out to try and get there before the striker with Tina also making a last ditch challenge, but somehow the ball squirmed under the big keeper and rolled across the box towards another bees player who just managed to scramble the ball into the net under the pressure of Frange and Peewee. 4-1, and with that the game wore on for a few more minutes until the final whistle blew. The only thing of note that happened was that every player bar Juzza and Frange had turned into Brown mud babies.

At the end it was more than the ASB managers could have hoped for, usually the first game back after x-mas teams are slower and not quite upto the task of performing. This was the exact opposite with quick fluid passing and chances galore you would never have been able to tell ASB hadn't played for over 3 weeks. Up next is IFA new boys Hampton and Richmond at Home in Old Deer Park this coming Saturday and the gaffers will want a repeat performance to keep the pressure on the other teams trying to win the IFA league championship.

Here are the Gaffer/s match ratings....

Rob - Had one dodgy fumble but after that was excellent and called
for the ball well and claimed a number of crosses with confidence,
getting better and better each game- 8

Weeman - Played at left back and was just excellent, won every tackle
and battled hard, really impressed with Weeman it has to be said, was
a close run thing for MOM - 9

Tina - Another big performance from the squirrel who is consistantly
superb in central defence, by the state of him at the end of the game
it was like he had been dragged through the mud by a tractor, couldnt
fault him at all and he popped up with a goal too - 10 MOM

Woody - Again, another battling performance from Woody who scares the
shit out of the opposition with his commitment and Danny Mills snarl
and like Tina he popped up with a goal, had to leave 2nd half - 9

Pewee - Played at Right back and look as good there as he is in
central defence, fought for every ball and marauded up and down the
wing with boundless energy - 9

Slouch - No goal from Slouch today but the conditions were not really
condusive to tricky wing play but he still managed to perform
superbly, linking well with Weeman and Jools and Sharkey and
demonstrating the usual Slouh excellence - 9

Riz - A tower of strength in the middle of the park, excellent
passing, tackling and heading, great vocal support although as I
mentioned above has to get off his team mates backs and offer more
encouragement rather than critiscism, but the will to win is there
for all to see and you cant fault that, scored a very well taken
penalty too - 9

Tim - A tackling dervish, he was everywhere, flying into tackle after
tackle, stopping Brentford in their tracks whenever they were on the
attack and great cover for the defence as well as some superb passing
picking out the forwards, another great performance from Mr
consistent in midfield, again tough choice who to give MOM to as he
was close - 9

Tizzy - Played him on the right wing this week and he put in another
good solid performance, the conditions made things difficult but he
coped admirably and caused Brentford all kinds of problems going
forward - 8

Sharkey - Absolute quality from Sharkey, he held the ball up, laid it
off, badgered defenders, beat his man, his all round game was
fantastic and if he had scored he would have been man of the match - 9

Jools - Again, a fantastic performance from our resident Hippy, back
from injury and looking sharp. Was unlucky to be subbed as he caused
them all manor of problems with his flicks, aerial ability and all
round game, scored too - 9

Frange - Came on in the second half after Woody had to go and slotted
into the right back position and didnt really put a foot wrong all
game, his shorts were surprisingly clean however.... - 8

Nick - Came on in the second half for Tizzy at right wing and caused
Brentford all manor of problems with his trickery and pace down the
wing, beating his man time and time again, on another picth he could
have got himself on the scoresheet but the conditions were
attrocious - 9

Mungo - Played him up front and he did well, had a couple of shots
and made the keeper pull off some good saves. Gave us a laugh too in
the second half when he pushed the opposition player in the back and
the guy just laughed at him, handbags have never been so amusing. - 8

Naz - Great to see Naz back in the squad after a long lay off and he
was superb in goal, saving two clear cut one on ones. Couldnt be
faulted for the goal - 8

Juzza - Tried to use his pace but alas he lost that in 72 so relied
on his touch which was fine until his passing let him down when he
gifted Brentford a goal. His kit was far too clean at the end too
which Jools tried to rectify by pulling him down at the final whistle
which resembled an episode of Planet Earth when a pride of lions
attacked an elephant - 6