By the time Jools arrived at The Old Deer Park changing rooms for 10 a.m., a healthy-sized ASB squad was already assembled. It was a good sign. The management's no-nonsense approach this season was reaping it's rewards.If we can not get the small details right then how can we expect to do the right thing on the pitch?

But there was no sign of our manager Inga. Perhaps the poor show at training had been taking it's toll. His Fergie-like blow-dryer treatment on the list earlier in the week had had the desired effect on the team but was the strain now showing? Rumours abound among the assembled squad that he had been on an all night bender. Some even suggested he'd turn up with a half drunken bottle of voddy, reverting back to the habits of his playing days of old. Or at least be fiercely off his face on some illegals. We feared the worst. But fear not, however, as his cohort Komrad Keir was here to take charge of his troops..

Our opposition today were Barnet, an unknown quantity to ASB as this was the first time we had played them. All that was known was that they had beaten West Ham, who we ourselves had failed to beat on their patch. They were not to be taken lightly. Indeed, as we warmed up on the pitch before the game, there were signs that this lot
should definitely be taken seriously. They all had a matching kit. And their Edgar Davids lookalike up front (No. 17) was a fearful sight. I think their team mates referred to him as "The Tank".

Riz led the squad on his unique brand of warm up before the game, which included some bizarre routines such as squatting with our arses so far back, our knees were caressing our chins. Likely to come in handy for those unorthodox tackles I guess otherwise I just don't know.

Inga then turned up in time for kick off. Something about the District Line not running. It was difficult to tell whether this was the case as with Inga there is a fine line between his Cheshire cat grin and a good gurn. But at least there was no sign of the voddy.

ASB v Barnet 10.30 k.o.
Pitch: firm yet bumpy
Weather: summer sunshine, firm easterly wind
Ref: kitted out in black which was nice

ASB lined up as:

Rock Steady

Orv Peewee Tina Task

Babyface Stingray Rizla Slouch

Jools Sharkey


Subs:
Billy
Crouchy
Frange
Weeman
Kate Winslet

ASB started off brightly, with their backs to the wind. It seemed we were definitely intent on letting Barnet know what we were about and why we have been consistently up there or thereabouts each year in the League. The midfield were spreading the ball well, with Slouch getting into the game very early on, linking up well with Sharkey on
the left and making some marauding runs on the wing while Riz was intelligently bringing Babyface into the game on the right who himself was being ably supported by Orv. Within 5 minutes ASB had their first chance. A high ball was placed into the penalty area and with some indecision from the Barnet defence it looked like Riz might
finish but Jools pounced, lobbed the goalie and the ball came back off the crossbar. Barnet survived but the warning signs were there. ASB continued to dominate possession, assisted by the wind, and forced a number of corners. Peewee was putting in some sweet deliveries from the left and the ever-reliable Task from the right. But it was a short corner that set up ASB's next clear chance. Peewee and Riz exchanged passes on the left before Peewee knocked in a sweet hanging delivery which Jools got on the end of at the back post only for their defender to clear it off the line. Inga was jumping up and down on the touchline shouting at the ref as he couldn't understand
why he hadn't given the goal. But it was a quality clearance. Not long later and another corner from Peewee found Jools unmarked in the centre. He headed down goalwards but straight at the keeper on his line who was able to hold onto it at the second attempt. Were ASB going to pay once more for their missed chances, close as they were? But no, not long after and the breakthru finally came. Sharkey showed some strong determination to get to an otherwise lost cause down in the right hand corner and he whipped over a difficult ball into the centre. A Barnet defender swung at it and skewed it straight to Jools who had his back to goal. A big shout from Riz on the edge of the area to "set" and Jools laid it back to him. Riz hit it first time and sweet as you like the ball drifted away from the keeper into the top left hand corner.

ASB 1 Barnet 0

Once the breakthru came, ASB expected to settle and dominate the game, such that their possession showed. But perhaps it was the very fact that Barnet were unaware of ASB's reputation that preceeded the game meant that they came back into it very strongly. They might have looked a little light-weight up front but there was particularly good interplay and movement from their defence and midfield and they started to generate some good passing moves, only to break down in the final third. Rock Steady in the ASB goal showed great alertness to snuff out any balls over the top but it wasn't long before one such caught the ASB defence unaware and as Rock Steady came out to clear with his head the ball drifted over him and the Barnet forward, with an empty net before him, finished with composure.

ASB 1 Barnet 1

The equaliser seemed to knock the puff out of ASB. Barnet had nudged us off our stride. ASB were not getting their foot on the ball, too many passes were going astray, there was a lack of movement off the ball and tempers started to fray a little. Slouch was still getting well forward with some promising runs down the flank but at times the
final ball was not finding it's target and the Barnet goalie was showing a very safe pair of hands. A bending free-kick from Tina towards the end of the first half which Jools tried to get on the end of was ASB's only real other chance but the Barnet goalie was able to confidently claim. Barnet had very much grown in confidence and with the wind against them, they were now ably snuffing us out.

Half-Time: ASB 1 Barnet 1

On half-time, a deserved roasting ensued from the ASB Management. We were looking disjointed. Collectively, Inga said, the effort wasn't there. At times we were sitting too deep. As the teams headed for the pitch for the second half, Inga realised we'd forgotten to make any subs so off came Stingray and on came Crouchy.

Once the second half got underway, it was clear ASB had a game on their hands. Task got more into the game linking up well with Slouch who in turn linked up well with Sharkey but more often than not the ball was breaking down in the final third. Riz was doing his utmost to impose himself in the middle of the park, as always the most vocal member of ASB but the fluidity from the first 20 minutes of the first half had gone. Chances were at a premium, Jools flashed a volley just wide while Crouchy had a half-chance on the edge of the area but his volley drifted harmlessly wide. ASB were using the width well, Orville and Babyface finding space on the right but again chances
were breaking down in the final third. Barnet once more began to impose themselves with a decent chance from a ball over the top which their forward snatched at and Rock Steady in goal was able to gather safely. There were a few niggly tackles going in, the Barnet No.10 being the main culprit for his petulance and Jools had a decent claim for a penalty which was waved away. The Barnet left-back said Jools should've been acting in Hollywood which Jools felt was fair comment considering his acting prowess on the Stage and Big Screen but yes, this one was a fair claim.

As the second half wore on, the ASB Management on the sidelines started to become more and more vocal, nay screaming their bloody tits off in frustration, it became clear that changes needed to be made. Slouch had taken a knock. He soldiered on for a bit but was soon replaced by Billy, playing his first game for two years in his dinosaur boots (he swore before the game he just pulled a fossil off the sole of one). Sharkey dropped to left midfield and Billy joined Jools upfront, renewing an old striking partnership from way back when. It was great to see Billy hadn't lost his touch, playing some neat little balls into feet and making some intelligent runs. As the game drifted into the last 10-15 minutes, it became clear we were now in real danger of completely throwing away any chance of winning the League Title. The sense of urgency was apparent with more subs being made, Rob coming on for Sharkey and pushing up front with Weeman coming on for the hard-working Orv. But now ASB were losing all
shape, with Peewee and Tina pushing up front as make shift strikers, Task and co at the back were finding it difficult to lay the ball off and build patiently from the back as ASB normally do so well. At one point Task complained of there being five strikers all in a line. He had a point. Unorthodox move as this was, Peewee and Tina brought a
real sense of urgency to the play upfront and with barely 5 minutes left a clever turn and shot from Peewee on the edge of the area brought a smart save from the Barnet keeper. Tina pounced squirrel- like on the rebound, surely but no, a last gasp saving tackle from the Barnet left-back and the ball went for a corner. It was desperate stuff. Corners came and went but their goalie had glue on his hands or something, claiming all that came his way. Babyface tried to work some openings on the right, balls pinged about in the area but only to be met with a mighty hoof from a Barnet defender. The chance had surely gone.

Still ASB pushed forward with Tina looking like he could run all day. One minute to go Jools played in Tina on the right. Tina looked to cross the ball in but decided to take on their left-back and with great strength got to the byline and cut the ball back to Jools who had darted into the area, controlled it, cut inside the defender and volleyed into the roof of the net from six yards. Cue mild pandemonium.

ASB 2 Barnet 1

With one minute left, ASB played out time and the ref finally blew. What a fucking relief I tell you.

Final Score: ASB 2 Barnet 1

Firm handshakes all round at the end of the game. Barnet had given us a good bloody run for our money. In my view, they are a very good young footballing side who, if they can get enough games in a season could have a good crack at the title. I, personally, look forward to playing them again.

Back in the changing room, there was relief all round. We hadn't played well yet we sneaked it. Thankfully, the colour had returned to the ASB Management Collective's cheeks. But Komrad Kier was far from happy with the performance. So he ranted and raved (a little), castigating us all for playing like a bunch of bourgeoisie which, he reminded us, could have been enough to have had us all arrested under Stalin and sent to the Gulags. Inga was nowhere to be found. Apparently he had already snuck off down the pub...

Viva la revolucion
Hair Peace, Bed Peace

Good bloody night!
Hippy Jools