ASB SMASH RECORD WIN

Venue : YMCA Hawkers Club, Kingston Upon-Thames.

Conditions : Overcast, Pitch Good to Firm.

Squad : Rob, Tina, Peewee, Rupert, Stingray, Donny, Chilli, Orville, Eddie,
Mungo, Riz, Slouch, Krusty, Jools, Baby-Face, Task, Sharkey, Iain & Hefner.

So, after a late call from the wombles for a Saturday morning kick around
and the ongoing debate whether we should be playing this game as a league or
LSA cup game, ASB gathered at the YMCA club not looking like the village
people, but more like a squad intent on revenge after defeats by this team
in the IFA cup two years on the bounce!

This game, however was not so much a Saturday morning kick around. It was
more like a Saturday morning sucker punch. The squad we had gathered with
three days notice was probably one of the best ever assembled by ASB.

So we were ready, Inga had decided on the team to start and
we was ready to go.

STARTING XI

Rob

Orville Tina Peewee Task

Mungo Riz Donny Slouch

Eddie
Sharkey

The wombles kicked-off and straight away launched a long ball up to the
strikers which rob claimed comfortably in the area, this was a sign of
things to come from Wimbledon as that’s all they knew. The first ten minutes
ASB struggled to keep hold of the ball with the opposition launching the
ball towards the goal without any clue what they were doing. Eventually ASB
managed to get the ball down on the deck and start playing some quick
passing football. Our first attack of the game brought our first goal. Some
quick passing and interlink play between Riz and Donny paid dividends when
Eddie from the edge of the area saw the keeper off his line and chipped
superbly into the far corner. 1-0 ASB!

Soon after we were two goals to the good with a delightful team goal. Once
again quick pass and move football between Eddie, Riz and Sharkey ended in
Slouch being put through on goal by the shark man and the pursuing effort on
goal flew into the bottom left corner. 2-0 ASB! Two minutes later that man
slouch was at it again, Eddie slotting him through, then for Slouch to fire
into the net. 3-0 ASB! From the restart we immediately won the ball back,
Slouch came infield and got brought down by the opposition 25 yards out.
Eddie stepped up and curled in a right footed shot into the top corner. 4-0
ASB!

ASB continued to attack their opposition with guile and flair, Eddie
continued to be a menace from his long throw ins with Mungo narrowly missing
the target with a header and Sharkey also heading wide. ASB then made it
five when Donny was released down the right from a long throw in from Eddie,
Donny fired the ball into the area and Mungo who had run half the pitch to
the middle of the area, got on the end of it and his miss-kick trickled into
the right corner. 5-0 ASB! We were not relenting in our hunger for goals and
soon after it was six. Tina getting forward well down the left, cutting
inside onto his right foot, swinging in a dangerous ball into the 6 yard box
where Riz side footed home with great style. 6-0 ASB!

At this point in the game, Stanley were playing delightful free-flowing
football. Delighting the subs, fans and management on the sidelines and they
didn’t have long to wait until it was seven. The ball came loose in the
middle of the park and Donny like a raging bull raced into a 50/50 challenge
with the opposing centre back and went in so hard the ball came loose to
Mungo who then slid a perfect ball in behind the defence for Sharkey to slam
into the bottom left hand corner off the post. ASB were in seventh heaven
and still the first half was not over. 7-0 ASB!

With the half time whistle approaching there was time for one more. Task
made it eight when a in-swinging corner on his left peg dropped into the far
bottom corner after the Wimbledon keeper flapped at it. 8-0 ASB! And finally
the first half whistle was blown by the referee to great sighs of relief
from the wombles hoping they would now get a rest bite. ASB were eight goals
to the good and it was all smiles during the half time team talk.

This is where Inga came into his own juggling our talented squad so
that everybody could get a game. Eddie who was after his hat-trick wanted to
stay on the pitch so he was given ten minutes to find it or else he would
have been hauled off.

2nd HALF XI

Rob

Iain Tina Peewee Rupert

Baby-Face Hefner Riz Eddie

Krusty Jools

After Eddie winning his argument to stay on the field to hunt for his
hat-trick, none of us saw what was coming from the 2nd Half kick-off where
Krusty laid the ball to Eddie and from the half way line he sent the ball
flying into the oppositions net into the top corner. Great goal from the
prodigal son, a few of the team had seen him do it before but delighted to
see it again. 9-0 ASB! Eddie was then hauled off as per the agreement and
Chilli came on at left back and Rupert pushed up to the left wing.

At this point in the game due to wholesale substitutions by Da Management
the game went into a lull and ASB had to try and get there game going again.
We were hunting down the record for an ASB victory and we wanted it bad. We
soon bagged our tenth when Riz put pressure onto the goal keeper who fumbled
the ball and allowed him to tap home his second. 10-0 ASB! He was then
brought off and replaced by Stingray in a defensive midfield role.

Soon after this Chilli’s hamstring popped and Slouch returned to the field
at left wing replacing him, with Rupert moving back to right back. His
arrival back onto the field was announced almost immediately when Jools
fired a shot at the keeper who parried it only for Slouch to bag his triple
to huge celebration from the sidelines. 11-0 ASB! One more goal would equal
our record victory of 12-0.

It didn’t take long for us to equal the dozen either. Krusty receiving the
ball on the edge of the area, twisted and turned two defenders inside out
before firing home into the bottom right hand corner. 12-0 ASB! With the
record equal we now hunted for it outright. With Riz returning to the field
late on in the game we were pushing for the 13th and record breaking goal
and it eventually came when Jools hit the bar and Riz, bagged the third
hat-trick of the game as he knocked in the rebound. 13-0 ASB!

As the game came to a conclusion there was time for one more. The ball was
played long into the area and cleared away by a Wimbledon defender to the
edge of the area where Mungo laid the ball for Rupert to hit a screaming
twenty yard strike into the top right corner of the net. Nobody knew his
name before, but the certainly do now! 14-0 ASB!

The final whistle was then blown and ASB had recorded its biggst ever victory. But, much respect goes to the opposition, they gave 100 per cent throughout the game. Three mighty cheers were given to either side and we strolled off the field knowing that this was a record ASB win.  HAPPY DAYS!

The Biggest shout of the day however, goes to the manager Inga who
without his partner in crime Mr Burns had his work cut out juggling this
many players on his own. He did superbly well to keep everyone happy and get
everyone a game and so on behalf of the whole of ASB id like to say
BOYAKASHAAAAA!

Mungo